Yesterday, S and I went out. He was supposed to pick me up at my place around 7pm but I was running really late so I told him I would drive and meet him at his place. I finally left my place at 9pm. I found out he only lived 15 minutes away so the drive was not bad at all.
He has a nice apartment (definitely a bachelor's pad). Hanging on the wall was a picture of a cute little girl and on his laptop was the same picture-so obviously my antennas went up. He was very honest and let me know that was his 6 year old daughter and she lives back home. As he talked about her it was evident that he loved and cared for her very much (how sweet). However, it also threw me for a loop-a major discussion point with myself. But these days I am trying to be open-minded and to give people a chance.
He is such a gentleman (which I definitely love) he came to my side of the car and opened my door for me. We went out to a local restaurant in DC that had a live band playing. The evening was really relaxed and we got to talk and get to know each other better. I found out he is really focused, has a plan for his life, is not into playing games and lets his intentions be known.
In a nut shell at the end of the night he told me that he was willing to take his time to build up to a relationship however, he wanted me to know that his intentions were a relationship in the long run. He said he was not into investing emotions, time etc and it leading to nothing (especially if I know before hand that I am not on the same wavelength he is on). I told him that I appreciated his honesty but I didn't time to think about all that was said. So I have this week to think and pray about everything then get back to him.
Now its decision time for me. He represents a lot of things I want in a guy: God fearing, caring, thoughtful, kind and generous. To illustrate some of these: yesterday when I told him I needed time to think and pray; he actually gave me some scriptures to read and he explained them to me- and No the scriputurs were not biased to his view point-which is what I thought at first. This afternoon, he stopped over just to leave me roses, chocolate and a card. He sings to me on the phone, he cooks and is willing to do my laundry etc. I know its just the beginning and ppl make a lot of promises they can't live upto but this guy makes promises I have never heard any other guy make. Additionally, he pointed out that the way we met was not orchestrated by any of us instead I was brought to him. This is how Eve met Adam, it was not because of Adam's own desires; God saw that he was missing a companion, made Eve and brought her to Adam. Ruth the Moabitess was also brought to Boaz. This I thought was very profound and stood out to me. However, I also know that the devil tempted Jesus in the dessert with scripture. Furthermore, my Pastor always tells me not to compromise on the big issues ( a child and life aspirations are major issues). So this week, I will not be anxious for anything instead I will turn to Jesus Christ and ask for guidance. I know that at the end of the week, I will have a decision and it will be the right decision.
In the Mighty name of Jesus, Amen and thank you.
Faith
5 comments:
Hiya,
I sort if just stumbled on your blog and I have to say I really had a good read about your date with S. He seems very lovely and ticks all the right boxes when looking for a potential mate. I also think that you are definitely on the right track by taking time out to pray and to involve God in your decision. Matters of the heart and emotions are not to be taken lightly. Some people take it for granted and feel that God would not be interested in that aspect of their life.
However, from my read, I think that you may have already fallen for him, which is good. But Im not sure how long you guys have known each other for and I think that at this point it may not be easy for you to pray because you may be praying through "rose tinted glasses", if you know what I mean. So I humbly advise that you ask some one whom you are very close to and trust, may be your pastor, parent, friend....to pray with you. It might be easier that way since they are not emotionally involved. Also, as the Bible says, in the mouth of two witnesses the truth is established. I pray God will confirm His word to you.
Finally, one week might be a short while to pray about this. During this time, while you are praying, I guess you can focus on getting to know him better and being his friend before you decide to take it to the next level.
I wish you all the best in whatever decision you come to. God bless!
I like BBG's comment.
The guy seems cool from your description but anybody can put their best foot forward when they want to get something.(Although I'm curious about the story of the daughter)
You are doing the right thing by committing the decision to prayers. Be absolutely sure you have God's approval before you proceed. That way God will be involved from the very beginning and His presence will definitely be a blessing to your relationship. On the other hand, IF you hear nothing and you are still not sure, delay your decision and keep your eyes open, and your mind tuned to the Holy Spirit's guidance.
yea i also think that one week is too short. Take your time. If he loves you, he will truly wait for u to make up your mind, whether it takes 1 month or 1year. There's no rush. It is a decision that will stay with you for life.
All in all i wish you all the best with it, do not forget to update us :)
Thanks for all ur comments...as you can see from the later posts I broke it off with S. The funny thing is that he keeps calling me infact he just called me today. I am sure I made the right decision because our goals (spiritual, social etc) do not line up. Thanks again & I'll keep u all posted.
hmmmmm, i was gonna write something else before i saw your comment about you having broken it off with S which means what i was going to say would be pointless, however can i just ask out of my curiousity, did the fact that he had a daughter lend a helping hand in your decision to call-it quits? How did you really feel about him having a daughter and would you rule out potential partners in future who already have kids?
I ask because i was in a similar situation not too long ago and so i would just like to know the thoughts of others who have had that experience.
To be honest, i found it really hard at first, especially as this dude was someone i had previously dated and back then he didn't have a kid, so it was hard to get used to the fact that he was now a daddy. I also had insecurity issues. I was already thinking ahead wondering if we went on to have our own kids together would there be conflict between me and the babymother with her thinking that a new child would lessen his love for their child together. I also didn't feel comfortable with the fact that i was in a relationship with this man and the reality of it was this woman like it or not and even if we did go ahead and get married, she would always be in our lives because of her link to him through his daughter. Depending on circumstances, the woman is always hoping to marry the father of her child. I also thought that by him already having a child would that somehow rob me off my experience of pregnancy and giving birth for the 1st time with him. For example, the babys first kick. He's already experienced that so when i get excited about feeling my baby moving around for the first time he may not get as excited because its something hes experienced before.
However as time went on and i got a better understanding of who i am in Christ and His love, these insecurities began to fade and i began to look at his daughter as "our" potential daughter. I would never try to take the place of her mother but if i were to marry this guy, me and him will be one therefore whats mine is his and whats his is mine. Also about the whole robbing of experience because he already has a child...yeah his child may be the first fruit of his loins but having a baby with someone you love is a whole other thing :-)
It turned out that this guy was a counterfreit and no hes not God's man for me and so i can say no... i wouldn't rule out a guy in future who already has a kid. Going back to what i said earlier about me having a better understanding of Christ and marriage. Marriage is about being conformed to the image of Christ. Its about UNCONDITIONAL love for each other. Now going back to the child issue, we should be able to love another child (person) as though we were the ones who birthed them and not love them or treat them any less because we're not their mother.
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