On the road again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good evening,

My life on the road has started for this year! Not that I am complaining because the commuting from home was starting to get to me. Sometimes I like to be on the road because it affords me more time....time for clarity, time for big decision making & time for me. I know this sounds selfish but it really does help me. When the weekend comes around I am equiped and relaxed and able to give everyone my all.

How are things with B? Well, they are ok I guess. I mentioned that we had that talk were he basically told me he was not ready for a relationship right now and that he was trying to get himself together. To be honest I heard what he said but a part of me still assumed that he would now take steps to lead to a relationship with me. For me this meant that we would now talk more and hang out more. So when I did not see things happening, in particular when he could not even talk to me on Valentine's day I took offense.

I told myself that I finally got the message- he's just not that into me... this weekend I hang out with a friend we will call "T". T is a really cool guy-good looking and all. I definitely know that there could be something between the two of us but what would it lead to? Talking to him allowed me to re-group and re-evaluate who I am. He allowed me to remember that I am a wonderfully and fearfully made creature; I am a powerful child of God; I am beautiful both inside and out; that the man that takes me to be his wife will have found a good thing and that any man who is not able to appreciate these facts is not worthy of my love.

One of the things about T however, is that it is unclear whether he actually broke up with his girlfriend or not. They dated for about 2/3 years. When ppl date for that long it is always hard to just break up and move on. In spiritual terms you have a soul tie with the other person (if you were physically involved) and you need to get rid of that attachment to the other person. So if he did break up with her, he would need to take a long break-you can't just jump out of one relationship and start another one! WHAT? Thats when it hit me- why am I advocating that T needs to take a long break before entering into a new relationship but cannot understand what B is doing- DOUBLE STANDARD.

In my defense this is how I see it, I am all for B taking a break and deciding for himself what is important to him. I would not want to be with a person who was not ready to be in a committed relationship with me. My only concern is what exactly is he doing during this time? If you are hanging out with your friends and getting closer to God I am all for that. However, if you are trying to date/ talk to every girl just because this might be your last opportunity to do so I have a problem with that. First off by doing that you are increasing the number of soul ties you will be bringing into your marriage and secondly you are going down a path you might not be able to come back from. You might be inviting many temptations and perversions into your future marriage.

That realization has come to light for me, so what do I do now? While I was thinking this last night I got a text from B. He was saying that he thought he had sent me a text on Friday and was wondering why I didn't reply however, he saw that the message was still in his outbox. I gave him a sort of abrasive reply this morning (because I am still growing). I am learning not to make someone a priority in my life when I am just an option in theirs. However, don't quote me because this is not in the Bible. I have to turn to God and ask him how I proceed? How do I show B that I care but also not be taken for granted? This is my prayer for today so help me God. Guide and direct my steps O'Lord. Grant me wisdom and understanding (comprehension and interpretation) in all matters. Proverbs chapters 1-4. To God belongs all the glory!

Good night
Always Faith