Clarity Finally :)

Wednesday February 4th 2009 was B's birthday. I have a couple of issues with this. Let me give you some background. This date sort of marked our one year anniversary of "hanging out" or whatever you want to call it. It was the first time we went out last year-I took him out for his birthday and likewise he did the same on my birthday (but that is a whole other story....next time). I'm trying to do things a little differently this year so that I don't make the same mistakes again. B and I are not dating so I found it awkward to ask him to do something on his actual birthday incase he had other plans. So I sent him a text in the morning saying



"Happy birthday. My prayer for you today is that God will continue to bless you with long life, you will discover God's greatness for your life & that God will grant u the desires of your heart. (Also, that He improves your communication skills lol- I know that's a selfish 1). Always Faith.



Good one right-well that's what I thought. He thanked me for it and that was about it. Last year he forgot to call me on my actual birthday but called me the next day. As you can imagine I was not having it- he text me, then once he figured I was not texting him back he called to apologize. I guess I thought I had gotten over the hurt but in actuality I had not and that is why I decided to text him instead of calling. In the evening when leaving work the "bigger side" of me got in control and told me to call-I was better than what I was trying to portray. I called but he didn't pick up. Later that evening he called me back. We had the usual small talk and he told me he hadn't done anything for his birthday-he just wanted to chill and reflect; instead he would go out over the weekend. The conversation was about to end but something inside me said I had to ask for answers so that my 2009 would not be like my 2008.

I just blurted it asking him what exactly was going on between the two of us? He then told me the whole long story. Apparently, since the time I met him he had been involved in an "on again, off again" relationship and had just finally broken up with the girl 4/5 months ago. I asked him what he told his ex he was doing when he and I would hang out? He said he didn't tell her anything because there was nothing going on. He went on to insist that 2008 was there rocky year and that things just weren't working out. He said he had dated the girl for two years. After the first year, the girl became insistant on where their relationship was going he flat out said she was not the woman he would marry. He said the relationship was just something he fell into and that from the beginning he knew it would not lead to another long term. At this I asked if he was one of those guys who just loved to "string" women along. He said that he was honest with the girl and let her know exactly how things stood from the beginning. However, the girl (like many of us) I guess thought he would change with time.

He said that so this time he wanted to enter into a relationship he thought had potential for marriage. He also said that he wanted a break of some sort to decide exactly what he wanted. He added that one of the reasons his last relationship did not work was because he was not ready for such a step. He said that there was definitely a potential for me and him however, this time he wanted to take things slow and do things the right way. At this I asked whether he expected me to wait around for him. He said of course he could not ask me to do such a thing. At last I felt relief, I was not paranoid-I heard it right from the horse's mouth: he had feelings for me just like I had for him. The only difference is that I have not dated for the last 2 years and I think I am now ready for a relationship but he is just beginning his break. So Lord help me with this challenge...what do you do when you have found him but he is not ready? For now I choose to focus on the relief I feel-it feels great not to debate with myself every second of every day.





So here is to 2009-the year of manifestations!

Faith