2009-I refuse to stay stagnant!!!!!!!!!

Happy 2009 everyone! This is our year of manifestation-everything we have hoped and prayed for shall come to pass as long as we put God first and include Him in all our plans.

Today I was reading over my past journal entries and realized that I had been talking about B since 2007-wow 2 years (is this love or what?) That got me to thinking-I wish I could write a letter to him, honestly telling him how I feel. I decided to first post it as a blog before doing anything so drastic. Here is how my letter would go...............

Where do I begin? I honestly have to say that I thank God for having met you. I thank God for allowing me the privilege to get to know you. I met you at a time when I was still trying to break up with my ex. Then I only had eyes for him and could not see what was in front of me. Anyway, with the help of God I was finally able to realize that my ex was not what God had in store for me that was in February 2007.

From then on I set out on a journey of self discovery with God. I decided for once that I would let God order my dating steps because on my own I had failed miserably. What else did I have to lose- I would give God 2007 and if it didn't work I had the rest of my years? Little did I know that the rest of my life had to be worked on as well? At that point I still could not see what was in front of me.

Somewhere in the middle of 2007 without forethought or forewarning my physical eyes suddenly opened. I was able to see you. You came over one day to fix our computer and we talked. For the first time we actually truly talked-I found out about you-that you went to UM, what you did for a living and some of your likes and dislikes and we had dinner (do you remember that night?) However, my spiritual eyes were still closed and I could not see the whole of you.

As 2007 ended we continued as casual friends-I thank God for that now but didn’t at the time. The friendship allowed me to “un-biasedly” get to know you. As 2007 ended I was beginning to conclude that God had not fulfilled His end of the deal and I was wondering why? Hence I opened the door to confusion and doubt. In walked Mr Great but Muslim and Mr. Wise Friend. I met two of the nicest gentlemen in the world; they both showed me how a lady should be treated, how a gentleman should act but they were not you.

2008 rolled around and I was more confused than ever-how could I be at the same point a year later (or so I thought)? I ignored the fact that during this time God had allowed me to work on myself and prepare myself for you. During this time I was forced to decide what characteristics and attributes I wanted in my future husband and had to learn not to compromise. Once I did this your name was the only one left on the list. These were my biggest lessons of 2008.

In April as you know we started an organization at our church-I thought it was part of a way of me helping unite the young adults and did not fathom what doors it would open for me personally. The organization allowed me to see the God fearing side of you, the thoughtful side of you, the caring side of you, the inquisitive side of you, the partner side of you and the “I got your back” side of you. Again without forethought or forewarning my spiritual eyes were suddenly opened.

However, are your eyes open? Do you see me with your spiritual eyes let alone your physical eyes? Why do you fail to approach me? There is so much I have to tell you, so much I want to share with you, so much I want to experience with you however, there is this wall between us. Believe me I am scared too-I have never found myself in such a situation before now: - I don’t fall for guys they fall for me. I don’t approach guys they approach me. I can usually take hints but with you that approach has not worked with me. Sometimes I feel that we are on the same plan then something happens and you make a 180 degree turn.

I am tired of dating to date but I am also not ready to get married. I am looking for a friend to go on a journey of discovery of God’s purpose for both our lives. I have no idea how this will end but I trust God and I know that He has plans to give me a hope and a future thus if I stay in His Will it will be done. So please let me know how you feel so that I can see clearly both physically and spiritually. Either way I will always respect you and appreciate what we had/ what we can have.

Love
Faith