Good evening,
My life on the road has started for this year! Not that I am complaining because the commuting from home was starting to get to me. Sometimes I like to be on the road because it affords me more time....time for clarity, time for big decision making & time for me. I know this sounds selfish but it really does help me. When the weekend comes around I am equiped and relaxed and able to give everyone my all.
How are things with B? Well, they are ok I guess. I mentioned that we had that talk were he basically told me he was not ready for a relationship right now and that he was trying to get himself together. To be honest I heard what he said but a part of me still assumed that he would now take steps to lead to a relationship with me. For me this meant that we would now talk more and hang out more. So when I did not see things happening, in particular when he could not even talk to me on Valentine's day I took offense.
I told myself that I finally got the message- he's just not that into me... this weekend I hang out with a friend we will call "T". T is a really cool guy-good looking and all. I definitely know that there could be something between the two of us but what would it lead to? Talking to him allowed me to re-group and re-evaluate who I am. He allowed me to remember that I am a wonderfully and fearfully made creature; I am a powerful child of God; I am beautiful both inside and out; that the man that takes me to be his wife will have found a good thing and that any man who is not able to appreciate these facts is not worthy of my love.
One of the things about T however, is that it is unclear whether he actually broke up with his girlfriend or not. They dated for about 2/3 years. When ppl date for that long it is always hard to just break up and move on. In spiritual terms you have a soul tie with the other person (if you were physically involved) and you need to get rid of that attachment to the other person. So if he did break up with her, he would need to take a long break-you can't just jump out of one relationship and start another one! WHAT? Thats when it hit me- why am I advocating that T needs to take a long break before entering into a new relationship but cannot understand what B is doing- DOUBLE STANDARD.
In my defense this is how I see it, I am all for B taking a break and deciding for himself what is important to him. I would not want to be with a person who was not ready to be in a committed relationship with me. My only concern is what exactly is he doing during this time? If you are hanging out with your friends and getting closer to God I am all for that. However, if you are trying to date/ talk to every girl just because this might be your last opportunity to do so I have a problem with that. First off by doing that you are increasing the number of soul ties you will be bringing into your marriage and secondly you are going down a path you might not be able to come back from. You might be inviting many temptations and perversions into your future marriage.
That realization has come to light for me, so what do I do now? While I was thinking this last night I got a text from B. He was saying that he thought he had sent me a text on Friday and was wondering why I didn't reply however, he saw that the message was still in his outbox. I gave him a sort of abrasive reply this morning (because I am still growing). I am learning not to make someone a priority in my life when I am just an option in theirs. However, don't quote me because this is not in the Bible. I have to turn to God and ask him how I proceed? How do I show B that I care but also not be taken for granted? This is my prayer for today so help me God. Guide and direct my steps O'Lord. Grant me wisdom and understanding (comprehension and interpretation) in all matters. Proverbs chapters 1-4. To God belongs all the glory!
Good night
Always Faith
Monday, February 23, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Family!!!!!!!!!!!
Good evening,
Family can't live with them but can't live without them either. Why is it that the ones you love so much-you tend to hurt the most or vice versa they tend to hurt you the most. Just had an argument with my sister. These days we argue quite frequently however, I will say that at the end of the day we still talk to each other. I (and I guess her as well) am caught in two roles. On the one hand I am her sister but on the other I also have to act like her parent-the lines get blurry sometimes hence the confusion.
In my parent role I have to be firm and not treat her like a friend but in the sister role she is my friend. So how am I expected to play both parts well? If I do one part well I am consired bad in the other. Help me God.
Things that I am realizing on a daily basis:
-life is a constant learning experience
-you have got to take time out of ur busy schedule to appreciate what is around you or before you know it your life will be over
-with time you can always tell who your true friends are
-life is what you make of it (if you include God)
-with God everyday can be joyous
-it is wonderful to have the peace of God
Tonight I will be pray for a stronger relationship with my sister-one that has more understanding and cooperation. God it is in your hands.
Good night :)
Faith
Family can't live with them but can't live without them either. Why is it that the ones you love so much-you tend to hurt the most or vice versa they tend to hurt you the most. Just had an argument with my sister. These days we argue quite frequently however, I will say that at the end of the day we still talk to each other. I (and I guess her as well) am caught in two roles. On the one hand I am her sister but on the other I also have to act like her parent-the lines get blurry sometimes hence the confusion.
In my parent role I have to be firm and not treat her like a friend but in the sister role she is my friend. So how am I expected to play both parts well? If I do one part well I am consired bad in the other. Help me God.
Things that I am realizing on a daily basis:
-life is a constant learning experience
-you have got to take time out of ur busy schedule to appreciate what is around you or before you know it your life will be over
-with time you can always tell who your true friends are
-life is what you make of it (if you include God)
-with God everyday can be joyous
-it is wonderful to have the peace of God
Tonight I will be pray for a stronger relationship with my sister-one that has more understanding and cooperation. God it is in your hands.
Good night :)
Faith
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Clarity Finally :)
Wednesday February 4th 2009 was B's birthday. I have a couple of issues with this. Let me give you some background. This date sort of marked our one year anniversary of "hanging out" or whatever you want to call it. It was the first time we went out last year-I took him out for his birthday and likewise he did the same on my birthday (but that is a whole other story....next time). I'm trying to do things a little differently this year so that I don't make the same mistakes again. B and I are not dating so I found it awkward to ask him to do something on his actual birthday incase he had other plans. So I sent him a text in the morning saying
"Happy birthday. My prayer for you today is that God will continue to bless you with long life, you will discover God's greatness for your life & that God will grant u the desires of your heart. (Also, that He improves your communication skills lol- I know that's a selfish 1). Always Faith.
Good one right-well that's what I thought. He thanked me for it and that was about it. Last year he forgot to call me on my actual birthday but called me the next day. As you can imagine I was not having it- he text me, then once he figured I was not texting him back he called to apologize. I guess I thought I had gotten over the hurt but in actuality I had not and that is why I decided to text him instead of calling. In the evening when leaving work the "bigger side" of me got in control and told me to call-I was better than what I was trying to portray. I called but he didn't pick up. Later that evening he called me back. We had the usual small talk and he told me he hadn't done anything for his birthday-he just wanted to chill and reflect; instead he would go out over the weekend. The conversation was about to end but something inside me said I had to ask for answers so that my 2009 would not be like my 2008.
I just blurted it asking him what exactly was going on between the two of us? He then told me the whole long story. Apparently, since the time I met him he had been involved in an "on again, off again" relationship and had just finally broken up with the girl 4/5 months ago. I asked him what he told his ex he was doing when he and I would hang out? He said he didn't tell her anything because there was nothing going on. He went on to insist that 2008 was there rocky year and that things just weren't working out. He said he had dated the girl for two years. After the first year, the girl became insistant on where their relationship was going he flat out said she was not the woman he would marry. He said the relationship was just something he fell into and that from the beginning he knew it would not lead to another long term. At this I asked if he was one of those guys who just loved to "string" women along. He said that he was honest with the girl and let her know exactly how things stood from the beginning. However, the girl (like many of us) I guess thought he would change with time.
He said that so this time he wanted to enter into a relationship he thought had potential for marriage. He also said that he wanted a break of some sort to decide exactly what he wanted. He added that one of the reasons his last relationship did not work was because he was not ready for such a step. He said that there was definitely a potential for me and him however, this time he wanted to take things slow and do things the right way. At this I asked whether he expected me to wait around for him. He said of course he could not ask me to do such a thing. At last I felt relief, I was not paranoid-I heard it right from the horse's mouth: he had feelings for me just like I had for him. The only difference is that I have not dated for the last 2 years and I think I am now ready for a relationship but he is just beginning his break. So Lord help me with this challenge...what do you do when you have found him but he is not ready? For now I choose to focus on the relief I feel-it feels great not to debate with myself every second of every day.
So here is to 2009-the year of manifestations!
Faith
"Happy birthday. My prayer for you today is that God will continue to bless you with long life, you will discover God's greatness for your life & that God will grant u the desires of your heart. (Also, that He improves your communication skills lol- I know that's a selfish 1). Always Faith.
Good one right-well that's what I thought. He thanked me for it and that was about it. Last year he forgot to call me on my actual birthday but called me the next day. As you can imagine I was not having it- he text me, then once he figured I was not texting him back he called to apologize. I guess I thought I had gotten over the hurt but in actuality I had not and that is why I decided to text him instead of calling. In the evening when leaving work the "bigger side" of me got in control and told me to call-I was better than what I was trying to portray. I called but he didn't pick up. Later that evening he called me back. We had the usual small talk and he told me he hadn't done anything for his birthday-he just wanted to chill and reflect; instead he would go out over the weekend. The conversation was about to end but something inside me said I had to ask for answers so that my 2009 would not be like my 2008.
I just blurted it asking him what exactly was going on between the two of us? He then told me the whole long story. Apparently, since the time I met him he had been involved in an "on again, off again" relationship and had just finally broken up with the girl 4/5 months ago. I asked him what he told his ex he was doing when he and I would hang out? He said he didn't tell her anything because there was nothing going on. He went on to insist that 2008 was there rocky year and that things just weren't working out. He said he had dated the girl for two years. After the first year, the girl became insistant on where their relationship was going he flat out said she was not the woman he would marry. He said the relationship was just something he fell into and that from the beginning he knew it would not lead to another long term. At this I asked if he was one of those guys who just loved to "string" women along. He said that he was honest with the girl and let her know exactly how things stood from the beginning. However, the girl (like many of us) I guess thought he would change with time.
He said that so this time he wanted to enter into a relationship he thought had potential for marriage. He also said that he wanted a break of some sort to decide exactly what he wanted. He added that one of the reasons his last relationship did not work was because he was not ready for such a step. He said that there was definitely a potential for me and him however, this time he wanted to take things slow and do things the right way. At this I asked whether he expected me to wait around for him. He said of course he could not ask me to do such a thing. At last I felt relief, I was not paranoid-I heard it right from the horse's mouth: he had feelings for me just like I had for him. The only difference is that I have not dated for the last 2 years and I think I am now ready for a relationship but he is just beginning his break. So Lord help me with this challenge...what do you do when you have found him but he is not ready? For now I choose to focus on the relief I feel-it feels great not to debate with myself every second of every day.
So here is to 2009-the year of manifestations!
Faith
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