Sunday, August 9, 2009

Redefining Me & Christian Dating

Good evening,

So I started writing this blog thinking that I was chronicalling my transition from singlehood to marriage (yeah right)!!!!!!! Little did I know that I still had a lot more growing to do. Today it finally hit me- maybe my purpose is to define Christian dating & actually practice it. Last year and the year before that I thought I had mastered God's plan:- I was done with my singlehood, I was sure B was the one for me, we would start dating the Christian way (because of course he is God fearing), he would propose and we would live happily ever after.

But guess what is happening now:- I am talking to a really nice guy that is involved in the church, there are 2 other prospects that are getting more and more involved in the church and there is B who seems to be pulling away from the church. *Update- tonight I officially ended the hope of S and I being in a relationship. I told him that we could remain friends but that I could not see him anytime soon. I need a couple of months break so as not to create any further complications between the two of us. So why am I going through all of this if I know the person I am supposed to marry. I don't know and may probably never know. However, I now choose to use this as a way of glorifying God because I know my journey down the aisle will be a HUGE Testimony of God's Power, Might and Saving hand. Whether I like to admit it or not I am closer to God when I am going through tribulations, but now I am surrounded by so much male attention that sometimes I loose focus on God- the real prize.

Anyway back to my main point. I thought that by taking off 2 years of dating I had conquered the inevitable- the weakness of the flesh. I thoughtI had conquered the temptations involved in dating so I was surprised when phyiscal temptations arose with S- a guy who I was not all that attracted to. I started talking to "I" and I was hit with the same emotions. Right now I'm battling with setting limits. With both guys I made it perfectly clear that I will not have SEX before I get married and of course I was met with the "sure you are just playing hard to get we'll see how it goes!!!!" So what limits do I set if the guy agrees to wait. No kissing (I am told to be real and meet the guy half way- if I say no sex I should at least be willing to kiss the guy-right-wrong). Kissing always leads to more and more.....so what is a young Christian lady to do as she prepares herself for marriage. Well this is what I plan to undertake....finding out how to date the Christian way....Pray for me as I begin my journey :)

http://www.christian-dating-guide.com/character-traits.shtml

I started with the above website, and here is what I found. The first section was on character traits:

So why are character traits so important?When you select a dating mate as potential marriage partner, you are choosing far more than a bed-fellow and companion for your recreation. You are selecting a partner in a permanent building enterprise who will be among other things:
1. The other parent of your children. This requires christian character traits, personality traits and the intelligence necessary to guide and direct the development of growing children.
2. One who will have rather complete access to your bank account and credit. Such a trust requires not only honesty, but enough discipline to keep from squandering needed family resources for personal whims.
3. Even more important, that person will have intimate access to you; your innermost thoughts and feelings, your hopes and plans, your ambitions and aspirations. By encouraging you when you need it most, or by lending a hand or dragging his feet when the going gets tough, he may be able to make or break you. The way your mate gets along, or does not get along with your friends, neighbors and business associates can do much to determine your social and professional success.

Your parents may have had more influence upon you, but this you could not help. No one else will mean so much for your future as the one whom you choose as your mate.
Remember that you are choosing more than a companion for fun. You are choosing someone to do a total job; a job which requires a high level of integrity, competence, self-discipline and finesse. This choice is one of the most important decisions which you will ever make.

To marry a person with serious personality or character traits defects is not to help him. Usually it will make the condition worse. The following are some important questions you can start asking about character traits:
Do you both practice socially acceptable sex standards?
Are your manners acceptable to the social group with which you will associate?
Are you both sufficiently truthful and reliable to make possible good relationships with each other and with your associates?
Are you both satisfactorily honest regarding property?
Do you both have a kindly, humane attitude toward other people?

Till next time, Gnite
Faith

21 comments:

NewLife said...

Hi 1st time here
First and foremost,start with dating someone with the same convictions that you have, do a lot of listening and less talking, like ask him what his views are about premarital sex listen well to his response, rather than you saying it 1st which allows him to play into that, hope that makes sense.

Even with that temptations will be there, stop looking so hard and let God direct the right person to you. Believe me darling, a guys involvement in church is not necessarily what you go by, is he actually walking the walk? truly deeply, there are many things involved in that. How is he in and outside of the church.

Dont get distracted by all the male attention, remove yourself from it so you can FOCUS.
I thought taking time off would help me as well, though I learned a lot from focusing on God, the truth is the temptations do not go away.

The kissing got me into trouble EVERY TIME, I had to stay way from my then fiance for a while, you are right, it leads to more and more. Date someone who has convictions, respects your convictions and a peck will do. This thing is war, please do not take it lightly, remember the devil does not want you to achieve your goal and he will make you feel like you are over-reacting. God will bless you for it.
You can excel at this, it is possible, I did it.

DayDreamer said...

Wow, girl...I just read your whole blog and I can say that I have definately walked in your shoes some years ago. When it comes to relationships with guys this is my number one rule: let him come to you and make his intentions known. You may be interested in a guy, but don't give too many hints away because you don't want to seem desperate. Once you know you like a guy, pray about it and seek Godly counsel. Ask friends that you are truly tracking with the Spirit of God what they think about the guy. Be friendly to the guy but let him do all the work. You deserve it and it only makes him want to have you as his more. Ultimately I'll say take every single "crush" or interest to God and be willing for Him to change your mind.

chal@8 said...

Need dating? Try to visit my blog, and post to introduce your self. It's free may be you find someone.

Free Christian Dating Websites,Find Christian Singles,Christian woman

Mrs A said...

I think with dating or courtship as a Christian, you definitely need to define what you want in a man and pray for God to lead you to the right man. I was at that point too, I had three men at church hitting on me at the same time and it was definitely confusing for me. Knowing what I wanted and praying for God to show me the one made it so much easier. One by one they dropped and there was only one left standing. After he made his intentions known we started our relationship. But it hasn't been an easy journey we've made mistakes but we've been stronger coming through it.

RDH said...

Sounds like you're confused somewhat. You might find some answers at my blog: http://www.howtogetachristianman.blogspot.com

I'm praying for you...
RDH

Faith said...

Wow....as you can tell I have been away from my blog for a while, but I am really thankful for all ur comments. I have read each one of them and the overwhelming truth is that I need to take my concerns to God. Thanks everyone and I will continue to keep u posted. Faith :)

heyniks said...

Hi first time here. Interesting blog but may i just say something about the kissing. As your aware pre-marital sex is wrong. Kissing is not sin however its what kissing leads to that is wrong and is considered sin. I'm goning to post a link that i believe will explain better but from your blog it appears to me that you believe that sexual immorality is just having sexual intercourse. Sexual immorality is also the lust of the heart. The bible says somewhere in Matthew that when a man looks at a woman who is not his wife and lusts after her even though he doesn't actually physically have sex with her, he is still lusting and its considered sin. The same can be said about women. You don't need to be married before u commit adultery, looking at any man/woman whether single or married who is not ur spouse and having sexual thoughts towards them is sin and what God describes as sexual immorality.
Okay so your not prepared to have sex (sexual intercourse that is) with a guy but my you saying you want to meet him at least half-way sounds like ur setting urself up for a fall because its about you wanting to please the guy (flesh) and not God and eventually because ur wanting to keep him happy, theres more chance of u subcuming to his desire of him wanting u to open up ur legs 4 him.
I agree with what the blooger above said about making sure the guy who pursues u has the same convictions as you because even because if the guy is wanting sex, when u kiss him even though it may not create further desires in u, ur kissing him will make his sexual desire stronger, theerfore he will start lusting after u. The bible says we should not cause our fellow brothers/sisters to stumble. So ur actually going to be causing him to sin and God will hold you accoubtable to it. Thats why its important that in every stage of their relationship, the man and woman have got to be in agreement in everything. You have got to have the same views/convictions as the other.

Heres the link i was on about earlier:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN0EUFkFBnE

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing this; this is in fact a great reading. We have few online readers who will like to read this stuff. We will pass it on to our valuable readers for more feedback. Thanks and please post us and leave a comment back and well link to you. Thanking you. christian dating

Your Host said...

Thanks for sharing your story for it truly blessed me as I was reading it. I hope you don’t mind for I will share it with my readers and link back to you. Thanks and please come and visit my blog on Christian dating at www.100freechristiandatingsite.blogspot.com . Thank you and good luck with your Christian dating.

TheRelationshipcompany.com said...

Good article keep posting this type of articles..............

Kate said...

Very interesting blog. I agree to you, hope there's a lot of people there that would also learn more on your blog. Keep on posting!

adultdatingtalk said...

I really love you blog. I hope you choose the best and you must accept it what ever happens and always pray.

Unknown said...

Extraordinary work you folks are doing with this webpage.
Moves Ability Tips And Tricks

rahul said...

Your blog has lots of good things for us.
free chat

Catholic said...

Hi,
I have read your whole completely.Thanks for sharing your story.It is very hurt pinching. Christian singles dating

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

The way I see it, it's been 4 years since this article was posted. I am hoping you already found the perfect mate God has prepared for you. I myself am also particular with regards to Christian rules on dating especially in this modern (liberated) age. God bless!

Christian Dating

Unknown said...

Well written story! Good work.
Are you looking for virtuous women to relationship?

Working women dating

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing. I'm learning lots from your post. ;) Christian dating is quite a tough phase for teens most of the times.

Unknown said...

Hey guys great article. And if your looking for a good website to date and chat with other Christians check this out. Online Fellowships