25th Birthday Surprise

Good evening,

I know I haven't written in a while-things have been hectic, but good all at the same time. Where do I begin??? My birthday- Ok so I went to work on birthday and my co-workers took me out for lunch. That was sweet of them I know. At 4pm sharply, I left work and began my hour and half trip home. Got home and my brother and sister weren't there. There is something about turning 25- I think I feel calmer and wiser. The fact that I was home alone on my bday crossed my mind but I didn't want to let myself go to that place. I found inner peace from God. I am slowly learning to just let things fall into place. During the day the thought had crossed my mind that maybe my siblings would throw me a surprise party however, I had heard nothing- no accidental "slip ups" from any of my friends. To support my thinking two of my close friends and B had not called me by 5pm so I thought maybe just maybe something was up. At 7pm when I was about to leave for bible study I got a text from one of my close friends saying hapy birthday. I was glad she remembered but at the same time a little hurt that she just sent me a text. Also, this confirmed that nothing was going on because she would be the one to bring ppl together. So off I went to bible study.

I was so glad I went to Bible study because it was as if God was speaking directly to me. Telling me that everything in the Bible that was said years ago is still me said today. Whatever God told his disciples many years ago He is telling me the same today. My sister was also there. Aferwards, my brother brought a cake and everyone sang to me incluing my mum from back home. I was so humbled and appreciative of turning 25. I was like wow this is what being grown is all about.

The next day was Friday and I decided to pamper myself. With turning 25 I had already decided that this would be a low key birthday for me to celebrate turning my milestone. I also knew that if no one did anything for me I would still treat myself. I love getting my hair braided so that was a treat for myself. I woke up around 8 am and went to have my hair braided. I sat for about 8 hrs (but that is good timing-u know what I am saying lol). After that I went to have my nails and eyebrows done. Pamper me day it felt good.

Also, remember this was Easter weekend so there were so many activities at church that I had no "down time". Fast forward to sunday. My really really close friend I guess I can say my best friend said we would celebrate my birthday the next weekend because of how busy I was & I agreed with her. Remember C well she invited me for dinner, since I had nothing else planned I agreed to go with her. She first wanted to go shopping so I said that was fine. We got to the mall and it was closed because of Easter. So instead we went to her place to kill time. I can't explain it, it was so unlike me to not ask questions and find out exact details about what was going on...but I didn't. Around 6 pm we left her place and headed for the dinner. She told me we were going to meet one of her friends and I didn't think anything of it.

We went got there we parked the car and started to walk. Upon crossing on of the major intersections I noticed my best friend with another close friend of ours. This was peculiar because everytime they hang out I know about it. However, because I was also with C and hadn't told my best friend about it I thought well "touche". I waved at them but they didn't respond or even open the window- weird I thought and I voiced my opinions to C. We continued walking as we kept walking the light bulb started to come on. What were the chances that C, my best friends and I would all be in the same vacinity and not be connected. As we walked into the restaurant to my surprise were all my close friends including my co-workers!!!!!!

They got me real GOOD! I had no clue and using C was a good idea because I did not see any connections between her and my other friends.........

I will continue here next time, I have to go to bed for an early start tomorrow
Gnite
Faith- remember always walk in the power of God

Grown & Sexy!!!!!!!!!!!

Good evening,

Tonight is the eve of my 25th birthday :) yippy. Thank You my Father in heaven for seeing me through to this age. I do not take it lightly I know that every year You have given me on this earth is a blessing. Holy Spirit may I use this year to glorify and exalt Your name. Lord have Your way in my life. Lord my prayer for this year is that You will protect me in all that I do, that You will direct all my paths, that You will protect my family all the days of their lives. Lord have Your way in My life.

Thank You for always being there for me no matter what.
Gnite & Amen

God's Voice

My Father, my God,
I thank you for speaking to me today, I really needed to hear your voice.
Thank you for reminding me of Your Power and Your Might.
And that You had me in Your hands and there was nothing I needed to worry about.
Thank You for reminding me that I did not have to be afraid or timid because You
gave me a Spirit of love, power and a sound mind.
Thank You also for reminding me that You have always been there for me no matter what.
As a result, I was finally able to tell B, that I was moving on without him because, I finally had to come to terms with the fact that we were on two different pages. I apologised for all my antics, arguments, assumptions etc.

Surprisingly but thanks to the Grace of God I am fine with this decision. I have told him so I can finally move on. I am putting God first in my life and as the song says..I don't mind waiting. I also find solace in Isaiah 34: 16
Look in the scroll of the Lord and read:
None of these will be missing,
not one will lack her mate.
For it is his mouth that has given the order,
and His Spirit will gather them together.
He allots their portions;
his hand distributes them by measure.
They will possess it forever
and dwell there from generation to generation.

Amen
& Gd nite

The Peace of God

Good evening,

I had an awesome weekend; and it was filled with pure, good and simple fun. It did not involve getting drunk or clubbing. This would not have been possible a few years ago. All I can say is Glory be to my Father for ordering my steps and bringing me a mighty long way.

Lord, I thank You for all that You have placed within me and I promise to use it to build your Kingdom. May I always have a humble spirit and acknowledge that You are the author and finisher of my life; without You I am NOTHING.

On Friday I got to hang out with the youth at my church; we had an overnight and it was really fun. We had discussions, watched movies, played games and of course ate the whole night. It was a really fun (I know I said that already) and relaxed night. B was there too so that made it all the better (I know, I Know I am no longer jumping to any conclusions, I'm just going to put everything in God's capable hands-because He is able to do exceedingly abundantly in my life).

Back to the story....so we discussed the issues that were proposed and "boy oh boy" were people opinionated including moi. We then watched a movie. I sat down next to one of my friends and we were just chiling, then B decided to move his chair and sit next to me. "What is this all about?" is what I was saying to myself trying to rationalize his actions-was there no more space anywhere else or did he just want to sit next to me? I don't know.

I don't know if you have noticed but I am trying a new approach-the in God's hands approach. Not reading too much into any situation and just waiting to see how things play out. With this new perspective, I just took the situation for what it was. He was sitting next to me and I enjoyed it regardless of the reason behind it. Afterwards we played a game and everyone got "worked" up-it was hilarious to see some calm people lose it-me included.

Around 5am the next movie was put on but I was so seriously tired. I got my covers, little mattress and pillow and was about to pretend to watch the movie. B and C (oh yeah C was there too but she is cool peoples now-I'm trying to work on that-a story for another time) were sitting on chairs behind me. U know even though I'm trying a new perspective u know I couldn't help the slight "stinge" of jealousy that rose up, but I gave it over to God right then and there. When I was about to fall asleep B (I guess was tired too) got off his chair and moved to the floor right next to me and went to sleep. I couldn't understand this either but I really appreciated the gesture. The next morning B and I were back to our usual antics-polite small talk.

On Saturday I got to hang out with my girls. They cooked, I watched Maid of Honor and afterwards the "Color Purple" while they played the "drinking game." All in all it was a nice and quiet way of spending a Saturday night. At church this morning, B sat next to me before I left for sunday school. God help me not read too much into things. Afterwards, we talked and joked around. I like this, God please help us be friends.

I will end with this:
Lord help me be mature in Christ Jesus so that I may exercise and practice Your word so that my senses and mental faculties will be able to distinguish between what is morally good and noble and what is evil and contrary to Your divine Will. Paraphrase of Hebrews 5:14 (Amplified Bible)

I am Fine the Way I am

Good morning,

Today I was off. I love having Fridays off. I ran some errands then went to do my hair. On one of my errands I went to the Christian bookstore and bought a book entitled "Single for a Season Married for a Reason". Although I just started reading it, I think it is a good book. On my way back from the salon I started feeling down...the usual that I didn't have a boyfriend-someone I could talk to.

Lucky for me I had to meet up with a friend to study for a work exam so I didn't really have time to feel sorry for myself. I went over to my friends house and met up with other co-workers there. As you can guess we didn't get much studying done, in fact I didn't even open my book instead we cooked dinner and just chilled. It was nice just hanging out with the girls and forgetting about "B". That is when I realized that I should enjoy this phase of my life...I can go home decorate my room & house anyway I want, I can do anything on my time. I realized that somewhere in the last couple of years I had lost myself. I am very busy however, the things I am busy with involve B in one way or another so my thoughts are always on him.

*Realization, I need to find other activities that do not involve B otherwise I will always focus on him. Thank You God for this realization. I am wonderfully and fearfully made and I am going to enjoy this phase of my life instead of wishing for something else when I might get it and realize that it is more than I bargained for.

So I came home after dinner and had a nice relaxing evening. I was alone at home and just straightened everything out. I have not had the opportunity to do this in a while. I went out bought a vaccum and new trash can. Can u imagine that is how I spent my Friday evening, but it actually brought me joy. I came home vaccumed the living room, cleaned the dining room and kitchen. I now feel much better, I can't think when stuff is disorganized. Afterwards, I baked two cakes that people ordered. I am now waiting for them to come out of the oven but I now realize I am exhausted. 30 more minutes and I will be in my bed.

Thank You O'God for all You do for me
Please help me serve You first and wholeheartedly
Please grant my brother travelling mercies as he flies back tomorrow
Through God all things work for good
Gnite
Faith

On the road again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good evening,

My life on the road has started for this year! Not that I am complaining because the commuting from home was starting to get to me. Sometimes I like to be on the road because it affords me more time....time for clarity, time for big decision making & time for me. I know this sounds selfish but it really does help me. When the weekend comes around I am equiped and relaxed and able to give everyone my all.

How are things with B? Well, they are ok I guess. I mentioned that we had that talk were he basically told me he was not ready for a relationship right now and that he was trying to get himself together. To be honest I heard what he said but a part of me still assumed that he would now take steps to lead to a relationship with me. For me this meant that we would now talk more and hang out more. So when I did not see things happening, in particular when he could not even talk to me on Valentine's day I took offense.

I told myself that I finally got the message- he's just not that into me... this weekend I hang out with a friend we will call "T". T is a really cool guy-good looking and all. I definitely know that there could be something between the two of us but what would it lead to? Talking to him allowed me to re-group and re-evaluate who I am. He allowed me to remember that I am a wonderfully and fearfully made creature; I am a powerful child of God; I am beautiful both inside and out; that the man that takes me to be his wife will have found a good thing and that any man who is not able to appreciate these facts is not worthy of my love.

One of the things about T however, is that it is unclear whether he actually broke up with his girlfriend or not. They dated for about 2/3 years. When ppl date for that long it is always hard to just break up and move on. In spiritual terms you have a soul tie with the other person (if you were physically involved) and you need to get rid of that attachment to the other person. So if he did break up with her, he would need to take a long break-you can't just jump out of one relationship and start another one! WHAT? Thats when it hit me- why am I advocating that T needs to take a long break before entering into a new relationship but cannot understand what B is doing- DOUBLE STANDARD.

In my defense this is how I see it, I am all for B taking a break and deciding for himself what is important to him. I would not want to be with a person who was not ready to be in a committed relationship with me. My only concern is what exactly is he doing during this time? If you are hanging out with your friends and getting closer to God I am all for that. However, if you are trying to date/ talk to every girl just because this might be your last opportunity to do so I have a problem with that. First off by doing that you are increasing the number of soul ties you will be bringing into your marriage and secondly you are going down a path you might not be able to come back from. You might be inviting many temptations and perversions into your future marriage.

That realization has come to light for me, so what do I do now? While I was thinking this last night I got a text from B. He was saying that he thought he had sent me a text on Friday and was wondering why I didn't reply however, he saw that the message was still in his outbox. I gave him a sort of abrasive reply this morning (because I am still growing). I am learning not to make someone a priority in my life when I am just an option in theirs. However, don't quote me because this is not in the Bible. I have to turn to God and ask him how I proceed? How do I show B that I care but also not be taken for granted? This is my prayer for today so help me God. Guide and direct my steps O'Lord. Grant me wisdom and understanding (comprehension and interpretation) in all matters. Proverbs chapters 1-4. To God belongs all the glory!

Good night
Always Faith

Family!!!!!!!!!!!

Good evening,

Family can't live with them but can't live without them either. Why is it that the ones you love so much-you tend to hurt the most or vice versa they tend to hurt you the most. Just had an argument with my sister. These days we argue quite frequently however, I will say that at the end of the day we still talk to each other. I (and I guess her as well) am caught in two roles. On the one hand I am her sister but on the other I also have to act like her parent-the lines get blurry sometimes hence the confusion.

In my parent role I have to be firm and not treat her like a friend but in the sister role she is my friend. So how am I expected to play both parts well? If I do one part well I am consired bad in the other. Help me God.

Things that I am realizing on a daily basis:
-life is a constant learning experience
-you have got to take time out of ur busy schedule to appreciate what is around you or before you know it your life will be over
-with time you can always tell who your true friends are
-life is what you make of it (if you include God)
-with God everyday can be joyous
-it is wonderful to have the peace of God

Tonight I will be pray for a stronger relationship with my sister-one that has more understanding and cooperation. God it is in your hands.

Good night :)
Faith