The Next Chapter of My Life

Good evening everyone,

I have not written in over a year- wow!!! And so much has happened. I got engaged to "I" last November and we are now planning our wedding for September this year. Tonight I am trying to write about "I" not our vows but for our wedding website. So I decided to look back at my prior posts and see how far we have come. My O my I am gald to say that "I" is still my Prince Charming. Don't get me wrong we have our moments but all in all he is a God fearing man and treats me well. So here is what I came up with:

When I met you, you were a breath of fresh air from what I had been used to

You have taught me how a man treats a woman he loves

You have allowed me to let down my guard

You have taught me that indeed there are God fearing, loving and respectful men

You have taught me not to loosely use the word “love” but to discover all that it entails

It’s amazing how someone treating you well; will also make you want to treat them well

Here is to what we have discovered thus far and what we are yet to discover

To my once upon a time acquaintance, friend, best friend and soon to be husband

I thank God for you and I am glad you chose me

Love always

Your soon to be wife

Time Flies

As you can already tell....I have not kept up with my Christian dating experience.

Work has definitely taken a lot of my time. Additionally, I am also taking a class at the local community college to prepare for grad school (pray for me). Furthermore, everytime I tried to write I could not remember my password- but thank goodness tonight everything lined up.

The relationship side- I am glad to write that "I" and I are still dating. This relationship has without a doubt shown me that I have areas in my life that need improvement. Here are a few pointers I have learned thus far:

• There are God fearing, loving and respectful men out there,


• It is amazing how someone treating you well; will also make you want to treat them well,


• Do not loosely use the word "love"- discover all that the word truly entails,


• Family will confirm a person's character

2010

So today is February 25, 2009....wow we are almost done with the second month of 2010. Lord God I thank You for seeing me through to another year. Thank You for Your mercies and compassion bestowed on me throughout 2009.


I found myself not wanting to make resolutions for 2010 but I know that I love to set out goals because they sort of create a roadmap for me and every so often I can go back and see if I am on target or have fallen off...so I guess I will write a couple of goals as I go through the year :)

The big thing for 2009 was getting over "B" and as of this writing I can safely say that I am content without him. Right now I thank God that nothing ever happened between myself and B. God knew that the thing I so desired and thought was right for me was not -I thank You, for You are the sovereign Lord. "B" is currently sort of in a relationship and I wish him and the girl all the best.


Tonight I was just looking back at how God has been good to me and how He is still there for me. I know it's a cliche to say that I cannot express how good He has been to me on paper or verbally but He has just been that good. I thank God that the countless times I have turned away from Him- He has still been there for me. I thank Him for His peace that surpasses ALL understanding. Regardless of what I am going through He always grants me unexplainable favor and mercy. God allowed me to pass the major test I had to take at work for a promotion. He allowed me to pass on my first attempt while others have had to take it over. Everything that I am is because of Him and for that I will be forever grateful. This year I plan to walk in boldness and confidence that comes from God. I plan to boast in the Lord and spread His word in whatever way I can- for there is none like Him. He alone is worthy, He alone is marvelous and He alone is awesome.


All of my days I will serve you O'Lord. Please put in me an obedient and trusting heart no matter what. Cause me to take leaps and bounds of faith this year in the Mighty name of Jesus. Cause me to share Your word with people I come into contact with. Lord use me like You have never used me before, allow me to positively impact the lives of everyone I come into contact with and in the name of Jesus may their lives never be the same as a result of meeting me and You O'Lord speaking through me. Father have your way in my life now and forevermore. Amen.

Offically Dating

Good evening,

I know it has been a long time but I will strive to do better in 2010.

Let me fill in the gaps:

On the relationship side, things are looking up. As of October 25, 2009 I officially have a serious boyfriend. "I" officially asked me to be his girlfriend and I agreed. "I" and I have gotten much closer and the lines are really getting blurry right now. I think my issue is that I really think all issues out-weighing the good and the bad-but with another person you cannot really do that. I mean "I" is awesome-he is God fearing, he comes from a God fearing family, he is caring, sweet, thoughtful, ambitious, confident, supportive, friendly, a good dancer, the physical attraction, you name it and he is it. He is really a welcome breath of fresh air- a welcome surprise. He has really opened my eyes as to how a guy is supposed to treat a lady. When I am with him it is nice to let down my guard against the world because he is looking out for the both of us. *Where do I draw the line between being thankful and appreciative of him and being overly dependent on him. I know that God supplies all my needs....but can He also use people to supply those needs to me? Jesus help me.

Characterwise he is awesome but then comes the thing of coming from different countries-speaking different languages and having different cultures, the ok attraction, the same height etc. My "B" issue???


Spiritual side. On my spiritual side things are also looking up. In 2009 I have definitely grown in the things of God. When I read the bible nowadays more things come to light and I understand more. Thank u God. In 2009 I actually preached twice-all praise to God.


My only concern now is still keeping God first in my life, having a boyfriend and living my life. How do I combine all things and still let God be the driver of my life? This is all new to me and it's "kinda" giving me a glimpse of what it might be like to have a husband (though I am still far from it). Don't get me wrong:-having a boyfriend is great but it is also hard work and takes a lot of adjustment for someone like me who hasn't dated in about 3 yrs. Before meeting "I" I would not have thought of myself as being a selfish person but with him around- I now realize how much of my life was just centered on me. I mean I was always doing different stuff for different people but it was always on my terms and at my convenience now that I have someone that wants to spend time with me I find that it takes extra effort on my part to include him in all my plans.


I now understand why preachers etc say that when we are single is when we should dedicate our lives to the Lord-because it is much easier. Marriage must be much harder-I thank God for this learning experience-thus while I am still single and have "my" time I will strive to do all that I can for God with my life- I pray that all aspects of my life may glorify God.

Culture Shock

Good evening,

I am writing from Atlanta, its a beautiful city but burrrr its cold. I know I haven't written in a while..........life is all I can say. Work has kept me quite busy this year and ohhh yeah I'm sort of seeing someone-so that is taking quite a bit of my time and causing me to adjust my schedule.


Let me tell you about my culture shock this weekend. "I" and I are still talking and he is a good guy I'm still taking it sort of slow. Anyway, since we met "I" has always been the one to come to my place and we either hang out there or he picks me up. This weekend he invited me to his place- don't worry he doesn't live alone :) His older brother and family live there and his father is visiting. So I drove over to "I's" place yesterday afternoon. Not sure why but I was quite nervous. I got there and he prepared some food for me. We were sitting in the living room eating our food when one of his dad's friends came over.


"I" let the gentleman in; I was sitting down eating but I acknowledged the man and said hello and he responded. "I" went upstairs to call his dad afterwards, "I" went into the kitchen. I quickly picked up my plate and went into the kitchen as well. Then "I's" dad came downstairs and started talking to his friend while "I" and I chated in the kitchen.


Here comes the awkward moment, "I" and I were leaving to go to the store to rent a movie to watch. As we were walking out I wanted to greet "I's" dad who I had met once before however, the men were still talking so I did not want to disturb them. Then "I" introduced me to his father, I went over and shook his hand and also decided to shake his friend's hand. I thought all was cool- his dad was like ohh, I met you last time and I agreed. As we were walking out his dad and his dad's friend started talking to "I" (who by the way is from a different African country) of course I couldn't understand the language so I just stood off to the side......when we were in the car "I" started talking about how men and women from his country greet each other. I said yeah I know one of my closest friends is from the same country. He then went on to ask how I greet my friend's parents I said by shaking their hands. He asked why I didn't follow my friend's country's style of greeting. I told him that my friend's parents understood that I was not from their country and it was never a big deal....at this point however, I was wondering why we were having this conversation.


He then went on to tell me that my "greeting style" was what his dad and his dad's friend were talking about when we were on our way out.......I felt so awkward and didn't know how to respond. Apparently, his dad's friend was asking "is this how she greets?" and telling "I" that he should show me the correct way. uuuuuhhhh I was boiling- because it was not like I was trying to be disrepectful but I felt that was how I was being potrayed. It upset me that someone that does not know me, does not know my culture etc should have something to say about me. To make matters worse "I" said that when we got back to the house I should greet them correctly. Now you know I was boiling-how could I have been expected to do something I was never told to do in the first place?


When we got back I told "I" that I thought it was best we called it a night. I really was thrown for a loop at the way things were turning out. I had actually taken the time out of my sunday afternoon and drove out of my way to see this dude and he was acting like this.

We talked or argued for a bit....then we finally compromised..."I" apologised and explained that it didn't really matter to his dad. It was his dad's friend making the issue bigger than it needed to be. He also told me he would have shown me the right way if we were going to a big family gathering etc. I also understood that I should be open to learning other people's cultures, go with the flow, not to take things personally and not be so defensive.

Redefining Me & Christian Dating

Good evening,

So I started writing this blog thinking that I was chronicalling my transition from singlehood to marriage (yeah right)!!!!!!! Little did I know that I still had a lot more growing to do. Today it finally hit me- maybe my purpose is to define Christian dating & actually practice it. Last year and the year before that I thought I had mastered God's plan:- I was done with my singlehood, I was sure B was the one for me, we would start dating the Christian way (because of course he is God fearing), he would propose and we would live happily ever after.

But guess what is happening now:- I am talking to a really nice guy that is involved in the church, there are 2 other prospects that are getting more and more involved in the church and there is B who seems to be pulling away from the church. *Update- tonight I officially ended the hope of S and I being in a relationship. I told him that we could remain friends but that I could not see him anytime soon. I need a couple of months break so as not to create any further complications between the two of us. So why am I going through all of this if I know the person I am supposed to marry. I don't know and may probably never know. However, I now choose to use this as a way of glorifying God because I know my journey down the aisle will be a HUGE Testimony of God's Power, Might and Saving hand. Whether I like to admit it or not I am closer to God when I am going through tribulations, but now I am surrounded by so much male attention that sometimes I loose focus on God- the real prize.

Anyway back to my main point. I thought that by taking off 2 years of dating I had conquered the inevitable- the weakness of the flesh. I thoughtI had conquered the temptations involved in dating so I was surprised when phyiscal temptations arose with S- a guy who I was not all that attracted to. I started talking to "I" and I was hit with the same emotions. Right now I'm battling with setting limits. With both guys I made it perfectly clear that I will not have SEX before I get married and of course I was met with the "sure you are just playing hard to get we'll see how it goes!!!!" So what limits do I set if the guy agrees to wait. No kissing (I am told to be real and meet the guy half way- if I say no sex I should at least be willing to kiss the guy-right-wrong). Kissing always leads to more and more.....so what is a young Christian lady to do as she prepares herself for marriage. Well this is what I plan to undertake....finding out how to date the Christian way....Pray for me as I begin my journey :)

http://www.christian-dating-guide.com/character-traits.shtml

I started with the above website, and here is what I found. The first section was on character traits:

So why are character traits so important?When you select a dating mate as potential marriage partner, you are choosing far more than a bed-fellow and companion for your recreation. You are selecting a partner in a permanent building enterprise who will be among other things:
1. The other parent of your children. This requires christian character traits, personality traits and the intelligence necessary to guide and direct the development of growing children.
2. One who will have rather complete access to your bank account and credit. Such a trust requires not only honesty, but enough discipline to keep from squandering needed family resources for personal whims.
3. Even more important, that person will have intimate access to you; your innermost thoughts and feelings, your hopes and plans, your ambitions and aspirations. By encouraging you when you need it most, or by lending a hand or dragging his feet when the going gets tough, he may be able to make or break you. The way your mate gets along, or does not get along with your friends, neighbors and business associates can do much to determine your social and professional success.

Your parents may have had more influence upon you, but this you could not help. No one else will mean so much for your future as the one whom you choose as your mate.
Remember that you are choosing more than a companion for fun. You are choosing someone to do a total job; a job which requires a high level of integrity, competence, self-discipline and finesse. This choice is one of the most important decisions which you will ever make.

To marry a person with serious personality or character traits defects is not to help him. Usually it will make the condition worse. The following are some important questions you can start asking about character traits:
Do you both practice socially acceptable sex standards?
Are your manners acceptable to the social group with which you will associate?
Are you both sufficiently truthful and reliable to make possible good relationships with each other and with your associates?
Are you both satisfactorily honest regarding property?
Do you both have a kindly, humane attitude toward other people?

Till next time, Gnite
Faith

What is Going on? The second part of 2009

I am back after a month's hiatus. I easily get distracted when a lot of things come my way and that is why I have been absent. So many guys have come my way since I last wrote that I really need to refocus on whom God has purposed for me. Where do I continue from?



I think last time I wrote I said that S was waiting for my answer....right, right. A week later I finally had the nerve to give him my answer. I went over to his place and was actually going to tell him I didn't think there was a future for us however, I left with us agreeing to take things slow and seeing how they turned out. Deep in my heart I didn't see a future with S but I will admit that it felt good to hear that somebody wanted to be with me and just appreciated me for being me. Additionally, I have not dated anyone in the past two years so the prospects of dating again felt good.



Let me tell u a bit more about S. He is ten years older than me, he divorced his wife three years ago and she and his daughter live back home. His strong points are that he believes in Jesus Christ (although not really in no pre-marital sex), he is caring, thoughtful, kind and generous. He has both a bachelors degree and masters. He also likes to sing and cook (can u imagine). So what's wrong with him??? He is shorter than me but that is not a significant issue since my ex was shorter than me. I can't really explain it because when I am with him I have no cares in the world. He is more than willing to take care of me and provide for me. He is focused and knows what he wants out of life. He is even willing to try to wait until marriage. Im sure he is the type of guy to propose within 1 or 2 years. After writing my thoughts down it has confirmed what I thought- so far there is nothing wrong with this guy but I just cannot commit to him.



A couple of posts ago I said that I went to my friend's party and met a couple of cool guys there. Well guess what a few weeks after that incident I went to a work "networking" event and met one of the guys there- the one that danced really well. It was nice getting to meet him in a professional atmosphere as opposed to a club setting. I found out he works for an IT company in VA. We exchanged our contact info via FB when I invited him to a gospel concert at my church. To my amazement he agreed to come. We will call him I. He is really nice too. We met at the concert and he had a chance to meet my mum and friends who were also in attendance. He is so cool- the evening was not awkward at all. He went around and introduced himself to everyone. I enjoyed my Saturday night.



The next weekend I had a BBQ for July 4 and "I" came over. My girlfriends were the first to arrive and I was "manning" the grill by default. Actually I was burning all the food. As soon as "I" came, he took over the grill and did the grilling for the whole afternoon. Throughout the afternoon he made a lot of courteous and sweet gestures i.e when I didn't have a seat he got up and gave me his. My other guy friends (including B) came later on and were so the opposite. I really enjoyed that afternoon and all my girlfriends were impressed by "I". I am currently still talking to "I" and taking things really slow (if I can help it).


God I thank u for each of these men coming into my lives. Let me not take them for granted. Lord help me see them for who they really are. Lord help me know what Your purpose is for my life. Help me know what role B will play in my life? Lord please guide me now and forevermore and remove all distractions that are keeping me from doing Your will. Amen and thank You always.